Across the world many stories abound about the destructive outcomes of Parental Alienation. Each story is unique, painful and unbelievable. Both to those people involved, or on the periphery, or even completely outside, of the family unit facing such sustained trauma.
In most cases the one abiding legacy emerges that a recently once loved supportive parent is dismissively cast aside by their offspring as well as the wider family or previous close friends. All because of a crumbling parental relationship. It is not only the embittered previous partner who relentlessly denigrates the ‘other half’ of a once loving family unit. It is the unexpected and unexplained rejection of the ‘targeted’ parent by their child or children.
One fact emerges from the fog of the family breakdown ‘conflict’. The remorseless and sustained emotional manipulation and brainwashing employed by the Alienator against their child or children is constant. To justify or underpin this unending brainwashing the Alienator seizes on any small indiscretion or failure, true or perceived, of the ‘target’ parent and negatively magnifies each event. Until, in the mind of the child, the once loved parent becomes a derided and hated figure.
In all the expert analysis I have read over the years about Parental Alienation one perceptive insight, by a respected professional in the field of research, stays with me. This insight still haunts me to this day.
Hatred is not a natural emotion of a child. To become part of a child’s nature, hatred has to be taught.
Any parent who teaches a child to hate, or fear, the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child. Even in this day and age, brainwashed and manipulated children of Parental Alienation are no less psychologically damaged than other child victims of extreme conflict. Other damaged children such as ‘child soldiers’ and ‘abducted minors’.
One common theme pervades the lives of all of these damaged children, be they from Parental Alienation or other traumas. They closely identify with their tormentor, especially an Alienator, to avoid pain, rejection or societal humiliation. They are forced to survive by maintaining a close and supportive relationship with their abuser no matter how destructive that relationship may be. And this intrusive cycle of abusive control is carried throughout their childhood and even into adulthood. Each child is so immersed in the abusive and controlling behavior that they, with the Alienator, become a ‘team’ focused on the destruction or elimination of the other ‘target’ parent.
In previous blog posts I have recounted elements of my rapid descent into dangerous ‘life’ waters from my exposure to Parental Alienation. From that ‘first’ day of my journey in late June 1988 the speed of destruction of my life increased over the next few months. My failure to persuade Divorce Courts to take a more balanced and reasonable family approach, as well as my inability to see any of my five children or my struggle to have any news of how they were, both at home or school, compounded the sense of rejection and alienation.
But if this sequence of events during late 1988 proved mind numbing in their dismantling of my life, I was totally unprepared for the escalation of my slide further into Parental Alienation hell. All from a shameful and horrific sequence of unlawful manipulation by my ex-wife, with guidance of her female lawyer, that still, in hindsight, takes my breath away.
At the start of February 1989 I was made Bankrupt at the local Crown Court.
I was totally unaware of this serious Court Action against me until a morning visit by local Cotswold Crown Court Officials at my City of London office in mid March , some six weeks after the Bankruptcy Judgement was handed down against me. At no time did I have any idea that, behind the scenes, evil and unlawful Court action was being conducted against me. In March 1989 I immediately appealed and persuaded the local Crown Court to transfer the Bankruptcy Action to the Central London Courts so that I could address the legal, financial and social ramifications. It became absolutely vital that I attempted to control this unknown evil. The background process to this drastic event only slowly emerged over the next three months.
At the beginning of August 1988, just weeks after I ‘left’ my marital home in such unusual circumstances, a letter addressed to me at the Cottage was opened by my ex-wife. The letter demanded that I settle a disputed account for just over £3,000 which was not a personal debt of mine but part of a ‘guarantee’ settlement involving other people.
My ex-wife showed the letter to her lawyer and between the two of them a wicked plan was hatched. They agreed that, if any further letters were addressed to me, my ex-wife would intercept them, share each one with her lawyer and, under no circumstances, were any to be forwarded to me. And so the slow process of Court involvement started. In September 1988 a rapid series of Court Actions were instigated leading to a Bankruptcy Petition being lodged at the local Crown Court. The claimants were able to prove, despite multiple correspondence addressed to me, but now held by my ex-wife and her lawyer, that I had failed to respond to all legal approaches.
As part of the legal Bankruptcy process Court Bailiffs visited the Cotswold Cottage in late November and early December 1988 to ‘interview’ me. They had a legal duty to convey to me the seriousness of the Bankruptcy Action. Unbelievably these bailiffs met ‘me’ on both occasions and recorded that ‘I’ was arrogant and uncooperative. In their notes of each visit they described ‘me’ as being 5’10” tall, weighing about 17 to 18 stone, fat and being almost totally bald. They also stated that I had a local Gloucester accent. In their view, ‘I’ was dismissive of their advice and guidance and very rude to them.
A crucial fact later emerged that among the correspondence addressed to me, but intercepted by my ex-wife, were all the Court Letters (clearly marked for the sole attention of the addressee, me). By sharing these Formal Legal Court Documents, and failing to forward them to me, both my ex-wife and her lawyer, including another lawyer at the firm, were ‘Perverting The Course Of Justice’. A criminal offence under English Law punishable by imprisonment.
So here starts my unraveling of many, many lies. And I am just talking about those highlighted above.
Firstly after 28th June 1988 I never stepped over the threshold of my Cottage where my family lived. Banned by a local Divorce Court, then a local Magistrate Court with a Restraining Order then by the actions of my ex-wife, her family and lawyer. Certainly in the latter part of 1988 I was struggling to re-establish my life in the London area. I could never have been at the Cottage when the bailiffs called.
Secondly the ‘description’ of me, given to the Bailiffs, is easily disproved. I am just over 6 feet tall, my ‘normal’ weight was just under 12 stone, some might say slim, and I speak with a soft Scottish accent. I still have, as I did in 1988, a full head of hair, although nowadays it is somewhat deeper grey than previously. As my photo clearly shows in the About section of this blog.
In short the Court Bailiffs did not meet ‘me’ in November or December 1988. The closest description that they recounted, in their notes, matched my ex-wife’s lover, the senior teacher from my childrens’ school. But it is impossible for me to be certain.
Thirdly the ‘actual’ debt. Not only was this disputed by me prior to June 1988 but in fact I was at that time receiving a monthly income nearly twice the claimed ‘debt’. So had I known about the sequence of letters intercepted by my ex-wife and her lawyer I was financially capable of negotiating any potential settlement deal with any outside party.
Have I left you with the impression that the ‘Bankruptcy’ was the lowest point? Sadly no. While I was attempting to reverse the legal ramifications of the Court Action after March 1989 in the Central London Courts my dear ex-wife informed my London employers of my Personal Bankruptcy. My senior management employment contract was crystal clear on Personal Bankruptcy. Any such event would result in the termination of my contract. I was about to be declared unemployed. No doubt the cheers from my ex-wife, her lawyer and her friends were resounding.
But my Bankruptcy in February 1989, successfully reversed in my favor by the London Bankruptcy Courts within the year, was used, constantly, to further denigrate me in the eyes of my children and any local friends stupid enough to believe the lies.
As my ex-wife constantly reminded them, they must see that I was such an evil and useless father who failed in all I did. My family name was so bad and tainted, and I was such a complete ‘devil’, that they must change their surnames to use their mother’s maiden name. And so my two sons betrayed my family name and under intense pressure from my ex-wife, her brother and friends they adopted their mother’s family name. None of my nine Grandchildren have my family name. Those from my daughters are understandable. Those betrayals from my sons leave me devastated.